I never really write personal blogs on this site. To be honest, I feel like nobody really cares. I mean, I’m not Zoella or somebody that people follow on a day-to-day basis. If you wanted to know more about me you could always visit my Facebook page and have a creep through my last few statuses. But, the last few weeks I have not even been online which is completely not normal for me. Ask anybody, my phone might as well be taped to my forehead!
I’m going to be completely honest and tell you that I haven’t been well. This is most of the reason I took down all of my bullying videos from YouTube this time last year. I felt that in the videos, although I was helping people, I made it seem that I was ‘cured’ or better. The truth is: I’m not. And as much as those videos helped a lot of people, I felt like I was being dishonest to the people watching. So this blog is just to set some things straight and apologise for not being as prevalent as I should be. I mean, I ask for your support, I get it, then I don’t even give you what you deserve as readers/followers.
I have been suffering really badly with low mood and anxiety. I’ve even deferred college for a year, until I get myself sorted. My anxiety has always come and gone and I’ve always just dealt with it in short-term circumstances. It’s time for me to be a responsible adult and realise that this is a problem that is affecting every element of my life and it needs to be dealt with- pronto! So, as for the lack of blogs, I haven’t really left my house bar going to work. I haven’t really spoken to anybody bar the doctor and some college tutors about this and I haven’t been feeling well. It’s okay though, in a little bit more time I’m sure I’ll be back to normal. If I ever was?
There’s more. Because of how anxious I have been, I’ve said and done stupid things that have affected my relationships with people around me. Because of how anxious I remain, I feel like I have no control over fixing them. So right now, everything is just up in the air and I’m sorry I haven’t been able to make you giggle with funny tumblr posts and list-blogs!
On the plus side, I got a part-time job as an online writer for a website called Black and White Events. I know it’s random and not exactly the kind of writing I’d usually do but it is just a form of getting my name out there. Plus, I’m not in college so keeping up with writing and reading is important. I don’t want to return in September having forgotten how to read or write. So there are some good things. My family have been so great. My nanny, my mum and dad, my brother, my aunties and uncles- they have all been so helpful and supportive of my decision to focus on myself for a while. I’m really proud to have such an understanding family. I’m a lucky girl in most respects.
This blog wasn’t a scream out for attention, for those of you who might guess such a thing. It was a simple explanation as to why I have completely disappeared off the face of the earth! I hope everyone understands that I really do appreciate the likes on my page and people sharing my blog. And me not taking any action has nothing to do with me not appreciating the support. I’ve just been a little bit lost, that’s all.