Raising Awareness, Getting Real: Dad Has Cancer.


So, a lot has happened over the last few weeks and my social media accounts have been practically deserted. If you’ve been following me a while, you will know that I went through a breakup last year, moved out on my own and have been recording all of my ups and downs in the meantime on Snapchat and Instastories. It’s been an adventure. But just as I kind of found a rhythm, of course, life has a lemon. My Dad has been diagnosed with cancer.

I am currently sitting on a mattress in my childhood bedroom that I am in the middle of moving back into. I am needed at home now so my ‘independent woman’ lifestyle is gonna have to be put on hold. Also, ya’ll know I’m supposed to be moving to New York in June. I don’t know what’s gonna happen there yet. I would rather stay and be with Dad. Dad would rather me go. It is yet to be decided…

BUT would you look at that? I’m back again with another positive, happy-go-lucky, exciting blog post that’s probably going to bring your mood down like a lead balloon. Not exactly a topic I thought I’d be writing about- EVER. Not because it’s a private matter, which it is, and I’ll get to that in a second. But mainly because I didn’t think it would happen to my family. This blog post is basically a recap of all that has happened over the last few weeks just to touch base with where we are at with treatment, emotions and life in general. I will also leave awareness links at the end for you all to check out and I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IT if you actually did because THIS IS SUPER IMPORTANT.

And before anybody gets curious, I asked Dad for his permission to share our journey as a family on my blog. He understands how open I am to you guys and was totally okay with me updating everybody on our current situation. By being open about how we are all getting on is purely motivated by the possibility that we may help somebody else somewhere along the line. Which as you all know, is one of the reasons I started this page in the first place. Also, it will hopefully raise awareness around cancer, the affects of and some of the support systems there are for families in Ireland.

I don’t want to go into too much mad detail about how and when exactly we knew, or what exactly happened and where because to be honest, once Dad got diagnosed it’s like every single significant moment that led up to that moment completely melted away. But I’m gonna share the key moments, that I can recall, just so you know how we got here and understand the journey that we are on.

Basically, Dad & I were having a movie night and all of a sudden, he got like a wave of pain over his bladder and abdominal area. The pain was so bad that he actually threw up and went this grey colour. Of course, me, I started slaggin’ him! Mainly because this was a completely weird thing to happen and I just thought he was over-reacting a bit.

If you’ve seen pictures of Dad or if you know Dad, you would know that he is 52 years of age (looks about 38), is incredibly fit and healthy, handsome and strong. He’s a super slick and stylish traditional skinhead, who loves music more than anything in the world. He’s covered in beautiful art-like tattoos. He trains like a mofo & eats clean. He does not smoke, is not an addict and does not harm himself in any way with chemicals, extreme activities or anything else for that matter. He lives a relatively normal life- goes to work, eats right, exercises, likes to read, loves his dog and the family… So for him to just collapse like this was a bit of a red flag. After I’d finished laughing with him about how weird this situation was, I asked him if he wanted me to bring him to the hospital. When he said yes, I definitely knew something was wrong. Dad hates hospitals.

Now, about a year ago Dad had some issues with his prostate count. But the doctor told him it was nothing to worry about and that it would go back to normal with some antibiotics and multi-vits.  Nothing more was thought of Dad’s prostate until Dad reached Vincent’s hospital and they began to run really serious tests. Then, we became concerned- especially because they kept him in for a week until the tests had been done thoroughly and he had been monitored. In the mean time, the pain didn’t leave. He was put on medication, though. A point to make is that Dad has also had cancer before. When he was 29, he was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s disease in his chest. He responded well to treatment and was given the all-clear when I was about two.

So after a week in hospital, Dad was let out and told to take it easy and to keep taking the pain relief- which he did. Then we were called back in for the test results. Dad and Mom went into the room to speak with the doctors while I recovered in the waiting room from a peanut allergy I’d had about an hour before the appointment- typical me. I knew by Dad’s face as he walked out from that appointment that something just was not right. Dad followed doctors to another room and Mom came over to fill me in.

Dad has been diagnosed with Stage Four Prostate Cancer. It’s aggressive. We don’t know what type of treatment is the best option yet, but he has gone to meet his team of nurses now.

For some reason, it didn’t sink in for me in that moment. And to a certain degree, it still hasn’t. We had to wait a week to hear back about which treatment would be the best option. Because of the level of aggression, they won’t operate. They have chosen to do chemotherapy and radiotherapy instead. Dad has his first appointment for treatment this week, so we will know a lot more then. He was really upset that he has to do chemotherapy because it made him so ill the last time. But that’s why I’ve moved home. We’re just giving all of the support that we can and surrounding him with as much love and comfort as possible.

But it’s like the calm before the storm. I think that’s why it hasn’t hit me yet… because the actually hard graft of it hasn’t really begun. Dad still hasn’t become extremely ill. Emotionally, it has taken it’s toll on the family. My family unit consists of Mom, Dad, my brother, Eoin (who’s 28 but acts 21) and me. The dynamics are interesting, to be honest. I’m a lot stronger than I thought. I’m a very ‘get shit done’ kinda person when things are under heat. My Mom worries a lot, understandably, and Eoin is, at this moment, not his best. But we are and always have been a really honest, open, close family and have always managed to keep each other strong. I do honestly believe that things will be okay, no matter what the outcome. We will always have each other in some way.

So, this is why I haven’t been on Snapchat or doing my daily videos. I have been moving house, spending time with family, trying to get through my final year of college, show up for work, stay fed and watered, be strong and stay positive in the mean time. And I know I don’t have to share everything with you guys. I understand that this is a really personal issue and that maybe you don’t want to know. But someone out there might really need to relate to this. And if my family are strong enough to share it, I don’t understand why we shouldn’t. We have managed to keep an extremely positive atmosphere in our home. We laugh everyday. We make fun of the situation, we make fun of each other and we are staying as hopeful, yet grounded and realistic, as we can. It’s a really bittersweet thing because in a very sad way, it’s making us all a lot closer.

Anybody who knows me, knows that I am 100% Daddy’s little girl. We have always been so close. I’ve always been a bit of a tom-boy and it has been because I’ve just loved spending time with him so much. From boxing to fishing to football… We’ve been best friends. Don’t get me wrong, we are also very alike. Which means we can hold down a good scrap if we have to. BUT nonetheless, our relationship has been a bond like no other since day one. These next few months are going to be really tough for my family. But it’s so important to remember that it’s not even about us. It’s about Dad and making sure he’s as comfortable as he can be through all of this. St. Vincent’s hospital have been absolutely brilliant and are hopeful that the treatment plan they have decided on will be successful. We are all completely optimistic and believe that Dad will have no issue overcoming this. Yet, we are all very aware of how life works. We are not stupid. We are hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. Not because we don’t have faith, but because we just can’t know how life will happen. Nobody does. Sure we never thought this would happen!

Disclaimer: I do not want the documentation of this journey to be a negative one. It is a pillar of strength for anybody going through the same thing and we, as a family, are completely open to any advice that anyone else may have. I have always openly shared my mental health, feelings, life and emotions openly and really did not want this situation to be hidden or kept in the dark.

For those of you that know Dad and are wondering how he is, he is actually doing fine for the moment. The treatment hasn’t started and his pain relief seems to be keeping things manageable for now. And if you are a family friend and this is your first time hearing about it, we are genuinely sorry. Things have been so crazy and we just haven’t really known how or when to tell who.

I will be sharing our journey- the ups and downs- as we go along so if you want to follow how he is and how we are all keeping, Instagram is your best bet! CLICK HERE to follow my Instagram for daily Insta stories & posts.

Now- the important stuff. As mentioned above, our openness is in hopes to inspire or help people going through something similar, but more importantly to RAISE AWARENESS.

Cancer is linked, a lot of the time, to ill health. My Dad is a perfect example of someone who is completely healthy but incredibly unlucky. It can happen to ANYBODY. If you have not been to the doctors recently- go. Get a check up. If you have an ailment you have been putting off getting checked- go. Get it checked. Life is just too short and we genuinely just never know what is around the corner.

I’m gonna link some things below that I really would urge you to check out. If you have any questions, all of my social media accounts are always open and I will reply to everybody.

  • CLICK HERE to read about PROSTATE CANCER. What is it? What are some of the indications? How will I know if I have it? How do I get checked?
  • Some men do not want to get checked because the actual procedure of prostate checking isn’t exactly glamorous. GET CHECKED. Do not be sorry.
  • CLICK HERE for more information on some of the earlier signs of Prostate Cancer.
  • CLICK HERE to visit the Irish Cancer Society’s website. They have been amazing in providing resources and support to our family at this difficult time. And if you have it in your account, even two euro a month goes a really long way in helping families get through times like these.
  • Last week, we lost a very close family friend to their battle with cancer. He was cared for, also, by the staff in St. Vincent’s hospital. They do tremendous work, day in day out, to look after all of their patients. If you have a spare minute or a fiver to spare, CLICK HERE to donate to St. Vincent’s Foundation. Funds go to patient care, research and education.
  • CLICK HERE to follow my Instagram- where the updates and information on Dad’s journey, my journey and the rest will be.

If you take anything away from this post, let it be that just because you think something won’t happen to you or your family, doesn’t mean that it won’t. Appreciate everybody in your life and PLEASE stay on top of your health. Do not ignore your body, do not ignore the signs.

Also, a huge family to all of the support we have gotten from friends and extended family. Tough times show true love.

Until next time,

Jay x






It’s time to talk about ‘junkies’

This blog post is probably going to be the most honest I’ve ever written. And it’s definitely not like anything I’ve written before. But I have a serious passion inside me about this topic, among many other liberal views, and I actually can’t hold it in anymore. I’m ready to speak about addiction.

If you follow me on Snapchat, you know a few more personal details than you would if say, you just knew me from Facebook or Twitter. For example, you’d know that I don’t like spicy food or that I just moved house. You’d know that I love dogs. You’d also know that I am a recovering addict. And that was a curve ball, right? Because I’m a young, confident, outgoing female with very little indication that I’d ever even tried drugs. And when I say drugs, I include alcohol. Because alcohol is a drug. I say that in nearly every mental health blog post I publish- and the reason I say it is because I know.

See, I don’t look like the stereotypical ‘junkie’ and that’s why people are so confused. I bet you’ve already thought: ‘she mustn’t have been that bad’. And maybe so. But the reason I’m writing this post isn’t to share my story of addiction and recovery- I’ll save that for a book someday. It’s to break down some of the stigma that society has burdened onto people that do not want to end up like that. I wanted to be honest about my identity because not only does it give me a bit more credibility, it allows me to connect and let you see where I’m coming from. I have a few main points to make. And I, honestly, could talk about this for a very long time. But I understand that in order to get my point across, I need to be exact.

This argument is based on my opinion which is based on my first hand experience that was then shared and identified with other people that have been through similar things. I can’t speak for anyone else. I can’t tell you how other addicts feel or how they got where they ended up. But I’ve learned enough in the last two years to know that addiction does not deserve to be brushed off, exiled and looked at in disgust the way that it is. And I wanted to talk about that. So here goes.

I believe that addiction is a disease or a disorder that can be stripped back to a chemical imbalance. I believe that a person can be an addict from the day that they are born. And I believe this because I know that I always felt alien. The disease of addiction is almost like another person in your mind. A person that is dressed as your friend but doesn’t have your best interest at heart. It’s like a friend that wants instant fixes. It’s a friend that doesn’t want to talk about your problems. It’s a friend that would rather block them out. So, when I say that someone can be an addict from birth, I mean that this friend can be active from a young age. However, drugs at that point don’t have to be the form of escapism.

Have you ever met a kid that is just so obviously insecure? That can’t sit still? That can’t be quiet? That can’t focus? That feels inadequate all the time and that uses external things to constantly distract themselves from themselves. Well, I know how that kid feels. From a very young age, I was really self-aware and I was really sensitive. I compared myself to other kids, their lives, their families. I hated who I was. And this is where it gets tricky because usually at this point, someone would say that they were abused or that their family was broken or their home life made them that way. But me? Nope. I had a bedroom that was decorated annually however I liked it. Your stereotypical four person family, parents that were hard-working, any toy I ever wanted, birthday parties every year and a beautiful home. Nothing happened to make me the way I ended up. Now, that’s not to say that things don’t happen to change peoples perspective or lead them to drugs. I’m just saying that that is not always the case. I think that I have something in my brain that wants to see me dead. It wants me alone and it wants me to be miserable. It wants me to block out reality, not deal with my problems and hide away forever.  As a child, I distracted myself with the likes of television, movies and most importantly, obsessions.

Obsessions allowed me to escape reality. And I’ve suffered with this since I was a small child. And just because I’m in recovery now, they do not stop. If anything because I’m aware of them, they can be worse. Obsessions can vary but when I was a child, I’d replay songs or print posters of the same picture and put them all over my room. I’d watch the same movies over and over. Or develop crushes on boys and simply not have the capacity to stop thinking about it. As I got older, these obsessions only got more dangerous: drug use, self-harm, men, gambling, friends, locations, money… the big boy stuff. Stuff that can get people in a  lot of trouble. Stuff that left me in a lot of pain.

So, at the age of twelve when I found vodka, you can imagine the absolute field day that was had. And the point I’m trying to make here is that alcohol was the first drug I look, the first high I had, my first love and the drug that brought me to my knees. And I know you’re wondering if I took other drugs because that would define an addict, right? Well, before I go any further I want to note how important it is that it does not matter what drugs I took. It was about my mental state. And it was about why I took them. So, I could sit here and type a list of narcotics and the effects they gave me, how often I used them and what things I’m not proud of but that would be pointless. It simply does not matter. I’m an addict because of why I took them. I’m an addict because I could not control my use once I started.

On the note of how often I used them, I don’t want to disclose much but all I will say is that I managed to hold down jobs, degrees, relationships and and much more in the course of my active addiction. I did not use drugs everyday. Some might argue that that would mean I wasn’t physically addicted to drugs. But that does not define an addict either. An addict is someone who’s life is centred around drugs and other forms of escapism. And mine sure as hell was. I went out on Friday night and went solidly to Sunday, then spent the rest of the week thinking about how I’d end the mental torture of shame, regret and secrecy. And then I’d do it all again and torture myself over that. I couldn’t understand why I was the way I was. I could see that my drug use was very obviously affecting my life. I was anxious, depressed, struggling to leave my house and in the end, all of the external stuff did suffer. Relationships ended, I lost a job, I deferred college. At one point, I begged my mother to sign me into a mental institute. I thought I had something really wrong with me. I couldn’t see why I kept doing the same things over and over again but expecting different results.

I would promise myself and everybody in my life, genuinely, that I would not use. I would tell myself that I would go out for one or two drinks and come home. I would really mean it when I’d look in the mirror and swear that I didn’t need drugs or men to have fun. And then I’d put myself in the most degrading of situations as a result of everything I said I wouldn’t do. And I’m not proud of these situations. Actually, even two years clean, I’m full of shame sharing about them. I wanted to put this work off. I didn’t want to start fighting this stigma because I would have to, in order to have any kind of credibility, be really honest about why I care. And some of the things that I did were so beyond disgusting. I hurt people. I had no self-respect. But today I can see that I didn’t have any control. And I’m not like that now.

The things that I did when I was active, I would never dream of doing or saying them things if I was clean and in my right mind. And by clean, I don’t mean sober. Or just not under an influence. I mean long-term clean, working on myself, following a twelve-step programme and practicing prayer, gratitude and love toward myself. Staying off drugs for a week at a time never helped me. I always went back. I needed something more solid. I needed to be taught how to live properly- take care of myself, do my own washing, wash myself, feed myself, speak to people accordingly… all that stuff that to so many people seems easy. It isn’t for me. Even today I can struggle with these things.

And the reason then that I am telling you all of this is because recently, I’ve realised how people refer to and think about addicts. And I am so hurt. The mainstream medias portrayal of addiction is a lot to be desired. In films we see the stereotypical ‘junkie’ that ends up homeless, is branded a criminal and exiled from society (Transpotting is a good example of this. The narrative is based around drug addiction and at some points, makes a joke of it). Plot narratives don’t really give any closure on this in mainstream media and it’s just accepted as what addiction is. We see domestic violence on screen and the drug user the culprit. We, then, also see it glamorised to the point where it looks attractive- money, women, sex, cocaine and boats. An obvious example of this is The Wolf of Wall Street. And I am not saying that this isn’t how some addicts carry out their journey in reality. A lot of the time, addiction in reality is exaggerated and crazy shit does happen. But the issue with constantly having these representations in media is this: everyday people that find other methods of addiction their reality (such as codeine use or marijuana use) cannot identify. Young people starting their journey as addicts do not relate themselves to that person. Any addict that is unaware of their problem, and is yet to learn the extent in which this progressive disease works, does not think that this will happen to them. Because we are creating an image of a ‘junkie’ or of a ‘legend’. And that is so wrong.

In turn, that’s how we view everyday addicts. Admit it, homeless people are in most cases assumed to be almost deserving of their fate, assuming that they’re on drugs and have created this life for themselves. We look at addicts that leave syringes in children’s park areas and automatically fill with anger, disgust and hatred. And I’m not saying that this is okay to do but if we had a different societal approach, it might not happen. We see young people smoking weed everyday, trying to escape their mind, probably in a lot of pain and don’t really think too much about it. But marijuana is still a mind altering substance. Heroin users are still people. And it all boils down to what level of compassion others can offer. Nobody wants to end up like that. I know because I sure as hell didn’t. And just because my addiction did not progress to the extent that some other addicts might travel, does not make it any less. And that means that theirs does not mean any more. An addict is an addict. And it is not a moral affliction, it is a mental and spiritual disintegration. One that is not helped by being exiled from society and branded a ‘junkie’.

In Ireland, there are efforts there to help these issues and I am aware that the likes of Safe Injecting Houses have now been approved and I am hopeful that we can start to move forward in how we deal with issues like these. I am strong mental health advocate and whether it’s a good or a bad thing, I have more compassion for someone than I do hate when I see them on the ground, strung out, crying, desperately wondering how their life got to this. Not only because I can identify as an addict, but mainly because first and most importantly, I can identify as a human.

I know there are people reading this that have been affected by an addict. And yano what? Me, too. Addiction runs in my family and I have been hurt by another addicts inability to control their using. I’ve been put in all sorts of predicaments and left wondering why I’m not good enough to make them just stop on many occasions. So I know how that feels, too. There is an entirely other piece of work that could be dedicated to that topic. It’s hard to not hate someone who is so selfish, right? I’m still working on this topic because I have been both people. I have been the selfish one but  I have also been the one hurt by it. And I’m still confused. I’m still a little bit hurt, actually. The best thing I learned was to distance myself from people that could not look after themselves, let alone me. And I learned to do that with love. I did not distance myself with hate, name-calling, fights or violence. I decided that I loved this person, perhaps too much, and that their fate was not in my control. And I prayed they’d get well but I decided to move on with my life and that I’d be there when they were ready.

This post isn’t about personal dynamics and families plagued by addiction. It’s more about society. I just want people to be more aware. I just want people to practice more compassion. Just because someone is homeless, doesn’t make them an addict. Just because someone is young, doesn’t mean they can’t be an addict. Just because someone doesn’t use drugs everyday or hard drugs at that, does not make them exempt from addiction. Just because someone is anything between working to upper-upper class, does not mean that they cannot become addicted. Not all addicts are criminals. The best people I’ve ever met in my entire life, the nicest people, the kindest and the most warm, loving people in my life are recovering addicts. ADDICTION DOES NOT DISCRIMINATE. IT IS NOT A MORAL AFFLICTION. IT IS A DISEASE/DISORDER OF THE MIND AND NOBODY WANTS TO END UP LIKE THAT.

So next time you watch a film and cocaine is made fun, or next time you hear someone say ‘junkie’, remind yourself that addiction is a serious mental illness that deserves more than to be made into a narrative drive or left on the side of the street because people think that it’s deserved.

Unfortunately, many addicts die. Drugs ruin and end lives. It is hard not only for the addict but the people around them. That’s how I know that it is important for me to conduct this work. I am a lucky addict that made it out alive. I found my voice and I am going to use it.

If you need help or know anybody struggling, here are some contacts:

HSE Drugs & Alcohol Helpline
This confidential service has both a freephone Helpline (1800 459 459) and an email support service (helpline@hse.ie)

Narcotics Anonymous Ireland
Tel: +353 (0)1-6728000 (Information line only)



WORLD GRATITUDE DAY FEATURE POST: The Power of Gratitude and How It Affects Your Mental Health

Aloha lovers! 

I hope you’re all doing alright & loving yourselves accordingly. I haven’t done anything like this in a long time- I think the last feature blog that I posted was a skin condition post, actually. And as far as I remember, it went down well. I love posts like this because it allows you to identify with not only me, as the medium, but the feature blogger. It also allows them to meet all of you wonderful readers & maybe share some experiences with you, too. 

Today is World Gratitude Day. And when I ask myself what exactly that means I get a little bit irritable. Why do we need a day to appreciate what we have? Or to say thank you to the people that love us- just for being who they are? Or for being healthy? Or for being unhealthy and still alive? Shouldn’t we be doing that everyday? I suppose it works as a reminder. And I definitely need a reminder. It’s not easy to do. We live in  a society that tells us constantly that we need more, we need something else, we’re not good enough, our lives aren’t good enough. We are conditioned. And we all have problems in our lives, in our minds. And as much as I love sharing with you my deepest, darkest… I’d like to start shining the light a bit more, looking at the silver linings. 

I met Karen out in TV3 when she appeared on The Elaine Show to talk about her new book, The Gratitude Attitude Journal. I can’t give a background on her because it is so much more powerful coming from her- so just scroll down. But I know you’re going to love her. But sure come visit me on Snapchat (jademccannx) and let me know what you thought of this feature post! I also post daily vlogs over there, so if you’re in anyway interested in following me on adventures & stalking my life… that’s where it’s at! 

Oh & before I forget: Karen has taken time out of her busy schedule to pop by and say hello to us, gracing us with some home-hitting wisdoms so if you’ve got a second, her links are down below. Head back over and say thank you! 

Ever look around and know that you should be having a great time, but you are just not feeling it? Like an outsider, like you shouldn’t be there, feel like there is something wrong but you can’t figure out what? I have been that solider! If I could have given myself the tips I’m about to give you back then, I would have been so grateful! This is one of the many reasons I am publishing ‘My Gratitude Attitude Journal’. It can be easy to fall out of love with oneself, never mind life. I spent so many years disconnected from myself, living the life I thought I ought to have been living. Saying yes to people, situations, jobs I should definitely have said no to.

By practicing gratitude, I learned how to say ‘yes’ to myself and put myself first unapologetically. By taking the time everyday to make note of what really makes me happy, I started to learn about myself more. Sounds a little stupid but it’s true. I got so caught up in living up to other peoples expectations on how my life should be lived that I didn’t think to question or change it.

My wake up call came in 2012 in the emergency room of The Beacon Hospital when the ER doctor uttered the words “If you were 80 years of age, the number of lesions on your brain and spine would be normal…..”- I was 31 years old. I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis that very day. Fear and relief were the prevailing emotions that pervaded me that day. Fear that I wasn’t exactly sure what Multiple Sclerosis was and how it would affect me and relief that I finally had a name to put on the symptoms I was experiencing. The next 4 years were spent fighting my way through what can only be described as a very challenging period. Sick, fat, tired and angry is a good description. I spent the majority of my ‘feeling good’ time in work, with my career getting the best of me then arriving home reluctantly to take injections.
To an outsider, I was happy, bright & positive, yet I had such inner turmoil. I was trying to keep up a façade of being ok, because I actually couldn’t admit to myself I wasn’t.

My mental health was at an all time low and the only way I was finding solace was through eating my emotions. As I’m sure you can imagine, this didn’t work out too well. Dec 2014 came along, medications were having a detrimental effect on my health and I decided to give up the only identity I was proud of in order to look after my health, my job as a Media Sales & Marketing Manager. I had to try something different. I could no longer cope with the side effects of the medication so I stopped taking all of it against the wishes of my neurologist and family. What should have been a joy staying at home with my kids and not having to work was the polar opposite. I resented giving up my career and relying on someone else financially.
After a break up, a house move, and a visit to see Tony Robbins – I made a decision I was going to be happy no matter what I had to do and face my health issues head on. I started to put myself first, finally. I said no to people or events I didn’t feel were in my best interests, even cutting out some gossipy friends and generally anyone negative. I practiced gratitude every single day, meditated even more, studied a Mindfulness Diploma & invested in personal development as well as facing inner demons.

The results were astounding, as soon as I started respecting myself, my body started to mirror that. I felt like a better person. I was at peace and my body and illness finally followed suit. I started doing things that I wanted to do. I learned to know when my body and mind where getting stressed and I knew how to calm it and take control again. By cultivating an attitude of gratitude on a daily basis, it scientifically strengthens your brain and fires up cells that ordinarily might not be in use. It’s the same as going to the gym and working on whatever muscle group. According to a Harvard University study “Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships”.

I’m living proof that a daily practice of writing what your grateful for, whether its past, present or for an optimistic future, has monumentally positive effects. In January of this year I got incredible news that my MS had in fact ‘burned out’ i.e.: gone!

You can invest in your own mental health and gift yourself or someone you are grateful for by buying ‘My Gratitude Attitude Journal’ from today on World Gratitude Day:  www.mygratitudeattitudejournal.com
With gratitude,

Karen X 

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Full Review: Vichy Clay Mask- What’s The Difference Between Higher & Lower Brand Clay Masks? ANSWERED HERE.

Hello ducks,

I am absolutely slaying in regular blog posts lately, what do you reckon? I suppose I’ve just come to a realisation that if I’d like a regular chat with you all, I best upload more regularly for something for us to chat about! I am currently sitting at home of a Friday night in my pyjamas, listening to The Beatles, drinking Coconut water and just seriously relaxing. I have just washed my face of the Vichy Clay Mask that was given to me in sample form by my beautiful cousin, Tori, who accesses little treat samples through work in a pharmacy. Let’s hope she throws more our way so I can keep you updated on what is worth buying! So incase you didn’t pick it up by now, I’ll add in this little disclaimer to state that this is not a sponsored post. Vichy sent me nothing. This mask was a gift and this post shall be of my own honest opinion.

I decided I’d review this for you the minute I saw how much it cost on THIS website. I was sort of expecting this price range because I understand that Vichy is a popular line, considered to be that bit more luxurious. But see, I’m mad for a bargain where I can get one. So the question I really wanted to answer in this quest was: is it worth it? 18 euro for 75ml of Clay Mask. Is it really worth it? That’s nine items in the pound shop. That’s like a full face of makeup on AliExpress. And I ain’t cheap- believe me. But personally, where alternatives/ dupes are available and equally as good, I don’t understand why people pay such high prices. In my opinion, they are essentially just paying for the brand name. So, I guess I wanted to see if this was about the brand name or the quality of product. And I did just that. So let’s chat about how I got on.

Firstly, let’s talk about the product itself. This product usually comes in a set of three but can be bought on it’s own. As I said, I was lucky enough to get it as a gift so didn’t avail of the other two products in the set. And I can’t speak for them either. However, the set of three (if you were to get it) contains a Quenching Mineral Face Mask, A Double Glow Peel Face Mask and, of course, the Clay Mask that we’ll be talking about in this post. To find out more about this set and where to purchase it, click here. And yes, you’re right. It sounds very similar to the mask set you can purchase in Penneys and all other major stores and pharmacies… the L’Oreal set. Click here to find out more about that. Now, to be honest, I’m really not aware which one came out first. But only the test will tell which one is better or if, just maybe, they’re both the same.

As mentioned above, this blog post will focus on the Clay Mask- and I’m gonna talk you through my whole process and experience. Firstly, I started off by prepping my skin. I was having a no makeup day. So to clean my face I just took a Johnson’s face wipe (mentioned in my last blog post as holy grail) and rinsed it with hot water before wiping my face. Then, using a cleanser by Salon Services, I deep cleaned my skin with cotton wool and cleanser. Then, taking a clean brush, I applied the Clay Mask in a thin even layer on my skin- which is specified on the instructions.

What I will say at this point is that I found it really impressive how little product was needed and how smoothly it took to the skin. It was like applying silk to my face. It didn’t clump, it wasn’t hard or stiff. I actually at one point remember thinking that it was almost a mousse-like consistency. Thumbs up on that one, Vichy. Also, it smelled yummy. Sometimes I find that clay masks can just smell completely like bugs and muck. But this mask had a lovely perfumed scent to it and was definitely not too much on the raw scent front. I also liked that. Nothing worse than spreading a mask all over your face that cost you an arm and a leg, only to realise you can’t stomach the smell or sting. So, another impressive part of the experience.

The instructions read: Apply a thin layer and let dry for 3-5 minutes. At first I thought, that’s a pretty short amount of time. But I was recently talking to someone who advised me never to let a clay mask completely dry on my face because apparently it’s really bad for your pores and oil levels. She recommended that I use a spritz during the active time of the mask to ensure it doesn’t drought my skin. So, I did this too. I used my a basic spritz that I picked up in Boots for about 5 euro- I think it’s cucumber flavour. And of course, I washed the mask off with warm water after about five minutes.

I found the mask dried at a pretty fast pace because I applied such a thin layer. But it didn’t feel uncomfortable. And it didn’t irritate me at all. It didn’t sting or pull my skin, it didn’t smell weird or anything like that. It actually has been one of the few masks that I’ve used and could call therapeutic. Yano like in the ads when they look all chilled with a mask on and they’re floating on a cloud or some shit? I felt like yerone. I genuinely had a really relaxing active experience.

So then, on to the next stage: washing it off. I took to the bathroom when my timer beeped and rinsed the mask off with some warm water. I dabbed my face dry with a clean, fluffy towel. I then began to give myself a good scan in the mirror to see if it had magically transformed my face. And…. well, I was still the same. And because I was given the sample bottle I was a little bit unsure about what was actually supposed to happen because not much was written on the little 15ml pot. So I went to the Boots website. And it reads:

This mineral rich formula infuses two fine white clays [Kaolin + Bentonite] to penetrate deep into the skin’s surface to immediately eliminate excess sebum and impurities, leaving skin feeling purified and cleansed. Also enriched with two plant extracts [Allantoin and Aloe Vera], Vichy’s Clay mask instantly treats damaged and fragile skin, leaving it feeling soothed and soft to the touch.

Who is it for?
Designed specifically for those with combination to oily skin with congested and clogged pores. Suitable for sensitive skin.

Immediately pores are unclogged and look less visible
The rich clay minerals eliminate excess sebum and impurities
Skin feels instantly smooth, hydrated and revitalised
Designed specifically for those with combination to oily skin with congested and clogged pores.

It’s smooth, clay texture can be applied effortlessly to provide a pampering moment to the skin’s surface.

Lemme start by saying that my skin is oily/ combination. So I’m a suitable candidate. And in basic summary, it did leave my skin soft and the product was super relaxing to use and a really pleasant consistency on the skin. But lads, my pores looked the exact same after the treatment. I wish I could say different considering people pay 18 euro a pot. Now, I will say at this point that I do have really stubborn pores. But I will also be completely honest and say that after using the clay mask, I went back in on my skin with the Black Mask I got on AliExpress. And that shifted them. So, take from that what you want. And I understand some masks take a while to work and perhaps that is the case and that would be fab. But if that was the case, it shouldn’t promise immediately less visible pores, then, should it?

Anyway moving forward, I got to questioning whether or not people are just paying for the brand name. So I checked up on the ingredients of the L’Oreal Clay Mask- just to do a basic compare & contrast.

The ingredients of the L’Oreal Clay Mask are HERE and the Vichy ingredients are HERE.

And if you clicked on those links you can see that the ingredients of each product are not the same. But I came to a further conclusion. Vichy’s Clay mask contains more ‘organic’ ingredients like the aloe leaf powder (for sarcastic example) but it also contains alcohol and NO CHARCOAL. The L’Oreal Mask actually contains lava clay (as a clay mask should contain at least one clay based ingredient), charcoal power (which is so good for them pores) and has NO ALCOHOL. Incase ya didn’t know, never put alcohol on your skin if you can help it. So, so, so, so bad for you. I linked why in my last blog post. Click here to read that. 

So to conclude, I have tried the Vichy Clay Mask and I found it to be a relaxing and pleasant experience. But the results were not so fab. Unfortunately, and I really mean that, my pores didn’t really look any different. Which is one of the promises I was depending on. My skin was however softer.  But most importantly, this experience made me question why there’s such a price different between clay masks that claim to do the same thing but have different brand names, so I compared the ingredients and… on paper, the cheaper, more generic brand looks like it has more to offer. And on my travels, I found a blog post from Pippa O’ Connor who claims she loves the L’Oreal line and swears their masks work wonders. Click here to read Pippa’s views.

All in all, I am not knocking Vichy. I think the product was nice. But I personally would not pay 18 euro a pot for something that does not carry out it’s claimed primary purpose- to minimise my pores immediately. And, there are testimonials from really reliable sources stating that L’Oreal’s masks are wonderful. And I’m gonna be super honest and say I have not tried the L’Oreal masks BUT if the reviews are anything to go by, I’d much rather spend 9 euro than 18 euro. So, there ya have it.

Anyway, if you have ever used any of these products please comment below and let me know how you got on! Which do you think is better? Are any of these your holy grail? Tell us why!

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Hello there darlings,

I know, I know. It’s been about five million years since I sat down and wrote something lovely for you all. But if I even began to explain to you what I’ve been up to & how I got here, it would literally take up the whole post. If you’ve missed out on the last few months, you can head over to my Snapchat (jademccannx) where I post daily vlogs and updates. All I will say is that right now I am working three jobs, running a home and have no idea how I got here.

Right, onto the topic of today’s post. I understand that there are no ten easy steps to completely recover someone from a desperate, upsetting or anxious mental state. Lads, there were days that I couldn’t hold down food for anxiety and couldn’t shower for the lack of motivation. And to be honest, I still have days like that. So, this is not a condescending “I think I know more than you” blog. This is a genuine sharing of my experience. And I am so qualified to write this- strictly basing it off experience, of course. These ten tips are things that get me to the end of a day. They are NOT things that ever cured me of any of my mind’s ailments. They are things that I’ve LEARNED THE HARD WAY definitely work and help me get from a -10 sadness to a relative 5 moderately happiness. It won’t kill you to try them. And if you do, I would love to hear all about it so PLEASE get in touch and let me know how you got on.

I’ve decided to write it because I remember googling how to make myself feel better at one point and finding WikiHow extremely offensive and thinking like… Who writes this shit? I thought these things mainly because it came from a corporate company and was just so insensitive and non-personal. So, my gut feeling on this post is that me sharing my experience will help someone and that if they have any questions they literally can contact me. I always wanted this blog not only to benefit other people but me, too and I am not messing when I say I love getting messages from people and hearing about their experiences. I want this to be a support system for whoever needs it- one that is effective and free. So without further hesitation, here are ten easy ways to improve your mental health immediately.


This for me is one of the most important things I learned and it all came about when a very wise person gave me two pieces of advice: a) No matter how you feel, get up, dress up & show up. And b) Your day can start whenever you decide. Personally, my low mood can take me days in bed, without hygiene and without any motivation to go anywhere or do ANYTHING. And that can be so painful and trapping. Sometimes, I would sleep in until like 1pm (at the moment I’m not at liberty to but I’m sure if I could, I would). And then once I woke up, I wouldn’t bother going anywhere or getting dressed because well, I’ve slept the day out. But after getting that advice, I realized that my day can start whenever I choose. So if I slept until like 3pm, I would wake up and tell myself that that was okay. I could try again tomorrow to get up a little earlier. Nonetheless, I would drag myself to a hot shower with fresh towels and clean clothes- ones that I picked to make myself feel nice. I would do my hair and makeup. And I would get the fuck out of my house. It really does not matter where you go.

Now, the catch. I am not saying that this is easy. Some days I drove crying. Some days I sat in the shower. Some days I had NO energy at all and fainted. Some days I took toilet breaks while socializing to cry. But over time, I began to get into a routine. And although some days I didn’t feel that strong, I felt a lot stronger than I would have if I was lying in a pool of sweat and tears on the sofa. Plus, I survived another day. Which is all that matters. Also, once I realized that hygiene was one of my downfalls when I wasn’t feeling great, it became a little bit easier to monitor my mental state. For example, when my mind was telling me not to shower or not to take my makeup off before bed, I knew I needed to do the opposite or I’d end up in a ball of self-pity and shame. When it comes to the simple things, DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT YOUR MIND WANTS YOU TO DO because on some days, your mind may want you dead. But your spirit is stronger than that.



On the topic of sleeping out, don’t do it. I know, it’s not as simple as just not doing it, right? I mean the world literally seems UNBEARABLE in the morning. But, I can promise you that if you make that special effort to get some sleep the night before, turn your internet off, set your alarm, just get the hell up and refer to the previous tip, you will feel ten times better. You’ll be proud of yourself, you’ll have more energy, you’ll get a good breakfast, you’ll make some plans, you’ll catch some fresh air. TRY IT. Ever since I started working on Ireland AM, my mood has definitely gone up. I start work at 4am sometimes- YES, that early. And it has done nothing but help me. So… get up, dress up and show up- NO MATTER HOW YOU FEEL. Sometimes in the morning I pop some peppermint oil in the bottom of my shower for a little bit of freshness. It definitely helps wake me up, too. Funnily enough, I have plenty more tips on getting out of bed and  kick-starting a day. If you’d like to read a post about that, comment below and let me know so I can whip something up.



If you’re anything like me, you’ll have shut off most of your family and friends and blamed them in your mind for not constantly pining after you, even though you’re being absolutely impossible to deal with. Yeah, that. Well, time to swallow your pride and start using your support system. Would you believe the other day I felt down and texted a friend from secondary school? It can be nerve-wrecking but definitely worth the rush. Not only does doing this help you but you honestly never know where other people are at in their lives and sometimes your low mood and honesty can really inspire another person- SURPRISINGLY. So, look through your phone book. Ring your Nan. Meet up with your old friends. And chat about what’s going on for you. People are not psychic- well, my friends aren’t- and they don’t know that somethings bothering me unless I reach out. So, make some positive plans. Tell old friends you just want to reconnect, that you haven’t been feeling the best lately. And then go and live your life. Fear is not real. Remember that.



I totally get that meditation is not for everybody. And on the best days, it is definitely not for me. But a lot of people, like I used to, have a misconception about meditation. That it means sitting still, in silence, alone for hours on end. That is not true. There is also the misconception that you need to pay money to go to yoga classes or meditation groups. Also, untrue. I practice meditation on YouTube. I search guided meditation videos and most of them are under ten minutes. There are MILLIONS of them that are themed. So if someone you love has died for example, you can do a grievance guided meditation. My favorite meditation channel is Boho Beautiful. She uploads meditations that introduce mantras for your day and on REALLY bad days, they got me to leave me house. Check her out!



I was absolutely shocked when I learned that alcohol and other drugs were actually affecting me all the time. I thought that they only affected me when I put them in my body and the next day. Turns out that mood altering substances can have an influence over your mood and mental health for up to seven days after you’ve taken them. It really made no sense to me that I felt down all the time until I learned that. And by the way, cannibus and codeine based painkillers are included in this.

If you are struggling with your mental health right now and are a regular user of ANY narcotic, including alcohol (alcohol is a drug), maybe you should rethink why you’re taking these substances and if you could stop. If you can’t stop, question why. If you can but need support, email me. If you don’t want to, prepare for the road to get harder. I am not saying give it up forever and ever and live in doom and gloom. I would just recommend trying the sober/clean life for a while to channel how you really feel- which definitely is not easy but is so worth it. I haven’t had a drink or any other drug in almost two years. Not only has my external life peaked- career, relationships etc. But the inner peace that I have gotten, money cannot buy. Give it a go. Give your body a little break and your mind will feel the benefits.



I know it sounds typical and annoying but hydration is so important for your mental stability, energy levels, physical health and so much more. Even your skin and hair will reap the benefits. I find it so hard to drink water. I have no idea why but I absolutely hate it. So, I try to jazz it up by infusing my water with some fruit and putting it in a cute beaker. Sometimes I put a bit of cordial in it or swap still for sparkling. And if you’re having a terrible day and can’t hold food down, this will literally save your life.


When I wasn’t not eating, I was eating crap. I can still get like that- like right now. But when I go vegetarian, I can feel my whole body reboot. I feel thinner and healthier and in turn get a little bit more confidence in myself. Buying the food and preparing it also gives me something to think about and focus on other than myself and how awful I feel. And I learn so much when I’m going to health food stores and watching health related videos online. Booting dairy out of your diet can also be a great way to improve your energy levels. If you do decide to try this- FILL ME IN. I feel so alone in this because I do struggle to stay on track. But I can promise ya that when I’m on it, I feel so much better in myself. It usually takes about three days for me to really feel the benefits. There are so many detox qualities and energy level boosters in yummy yummy veggies that your body will absorb like mad and also, you are focusing on something positive. So, you will feel a bit more positive.



So earlier on in the blog, we spoke about how it’s important to leave your house. Just get up and go outside, get out of bed. Well, channeling nature can be a great way to settle a racing mind and work off some stress. If you’re like me, it takes an EXTRA amount of effort to exercise so that’s off the cards until I’m feeling a bit better again. But try going for a walk, walking your dog, buying a bunny, playing with your neighbors dog- ANYTHING NATURE RELATED. It will take you out of yourself and give you a sense of gratitude, remind you what is beautiful again and remind you how big the world is. I love going for a walk and sitting in my local church. I’m not a religious person but I love sitting in the church because the ceiling is so high. It reminds me that the world is so much bigger than me and my problems. Go to your favorite place. Go to a happy place. Visit the beach, walk a cliff, get an ice-cream or even jump in the sea. It will humble you.



When I am really down, I paint. But I also play music, draw, sing, write poetry and read books. If you’re having one of those days that you really can’t sit with yourself and you really can’t move, at least like yourself enough to have a bit of company. Turn off the television and start channeling your emotions. Write it down and burn it. Paint it in a picture. Make something cool for someone you care about. Do something you can be proud of in a few hours. Something to show people and something that will cheer you up. You are not going to regret doing that.


So guys, these are obviously very simple tips. But I am talking immediate results. Things that got me to another day when all I wanted was for it all to end. I recently watched a YouTube meditation on motivation and the person speaking said that the word ‘motivation’ comes from the Latin ‘to move’. So before you tell me that you can’t do it because you’ve no motivation, your movement is your motivation. Once you force yourself, jump start your body, you will be motivated by the effective results to continue and even try new things. Give yourself a chance. All we need to focus on is getting through today. And we can do the same tomorrow. 

If you have any questions or stories to share, please do not hesitate to contact me on any of my links that are available to you on this website. Alternatively, my email address is jadeshannonmccann@gmail.com.

Of course, share this post with anybody that you think might benefit from it and PLEASE SHARE WITH ME any of the above if you’ve tried them or any other tips that you would add.

Much love until next time,

Jay X





FULL REVIEW: StylePro Brush Cleaner (Pros, Cons & How To Get The Best Out Of This Product!)

Hello there, little duckies!
It has been a very long while since I sat down to talk to you all via blogpost. I suppose, and it’s no excuse really, I’ve been distracted with college and other social media outlets. Snapchat seems to be where it’s all lately- which obviously is a side-kick app and not one to forget about my blogposts for.
Anyway, I am back today with a review that was requested over on my new Instagram account that I made for just make-up posts (JadeMcCannMUA). I’ve finished my night course in Beauty & Make-Up and have been pottering along with freelance and loving it. On the way, I’ve picked up some tips and tricks- which is fab because it gives us all something to talk about other than our mental health (which, I’ll admit is important but can get very boring at the best of times).
Also, just incase y’all didn’t know, I’ve been talking a LOT over on my Snapchat, using it almost as a live vlogging format. So, if you want to follow me around on a day to day basis, find me over at Jademccannx. Some days, I’m good and positive. Other days, not so much. But I’ve learned not to hide anything back so whatever you’ll find over there is 100% honest and 100% me. And in my opinion, that’s the beauty of this blog. There aren’t many secrets, there aren’t any lies. I could go into a big update on this blog post, but I’d rather not. If you’d like to catch up, head right on over to my Snapchat and we can get up to date there! The main point of this post is the review- so let’s get to it!

We all know that in order to get the best out of our brushes we have to keep them clean. If we want to avoid breakouts, oily skin, pore build ups- then we need to keep our brushes super clean! This product was something that someone I know had gotten for Christmas and would not stop raving about, and I decided to follow their footsteps and pick it up. My boyfriend was laughing about me cleaning brushes, saying that he was sick of watching me scrub the life out of brushes for hours on end after each appointment. And putting it like that, it makes a lot of sense to have something quick and easy that does it for you. Especially if, like me, you’re using them constantly on clients or other people and need something extremely hygienic and super-quick!
Moving on, let’s talk about the where and how much. And a disclaimer: this is not a sponsored blog post. I was not gifted with this product. I got it in McCabe’s pharmacy, Dundrum Town Centre. I paid 70 euro. At the time, I thought it would be very much worth it and didn’t mind paying that kind of money. I thought: “It will save time, it’ll save effort, it’s a high-end product and will be worth the investment”. On that note, I’m not saying that I was wrong. But, I can review that price, knowing what the product is like and say that 70 euro is a bit of an ask. If I were in that branding boat at the time, I’d say about 40 is a grand price. But 70? I don’t know. Personally, I think it’s a bit expensive. Now, I am aware that I could have picked it up on black Friday or maybe even ordered online for a cheaper price. I went straight in without thinking too much about it. So, another beautiful part of reviews- learn from my mistakes! If anyone is reading in hopes of buying this product, I would recommend shopping around before taking the plunge as it is pricy. I have included some links down the bottom of some websites that I have found cheaper prices on. Hope it helps!
Now, that’s not to say that I don’t like the product. I most definitely do. And let’s get this straight, I can be fairly sceptical when it comes to modern technologies and self-acclaimed ‘innovations’. I think this product is a brilliant idea. And on paper, such an amazing leap within the make-up industry. A time saver, something hygienic, something dependable. And in theory, it does what it says on the tin. It washes and dries each brush within 30 seconds- amazing! Right?


Included in the packet is a bowl (for washing your brushes in), a wand, some rubber frames- for attaching your brushes and spinning them (either to clean them in water, or dry them in air) & some batteries! My first question was, did I just pay 70 euro for a glass bowl and an electric toothbrush? But after using it, I realised that maybe I was being a bit harsh. The product works. Each brush I cleaned, was spotless and dried within 20 seconds after was dry. Result! However, there is a catch. Included in the package, too, is a brush cleanser- which you only get two sachets of. It’s recommended on the box that this be the only brush cleanser you use. But, me in all my glory, underwent a little investigation. See, a lot of people would just believe that and totally pay 15 euro a bottle. But me? Nah.


After researching and researching, it was proven that all usual brush cleansers can be used: surgical spirits, baby shampoo, anti-septic soap- you name it! So you can thank me for saving you a few dollas that way. Understanding that this is a business that needs to gain capital, I won’t judge that too harshly. But after charging 70 euro, maybe they could cool it on the merchandise. Just an observation.
There have been horror stories about this product that I’ve read online about people whose brushes have died a death due to the rotation of the wand, or who’s brushes have completely shed due to the cleanser. But, for me, I don’t see a problem at all like that within my use. There are clearly indicated instructions included and once used correctly, there shouldn’t be an issue. I have a full set of Zoeva brushes- which as you know cost a bomb- and I cannot afford for them to get damaged. Saying that, I have to say that I do trust this product. I use a combination of baby shampoo and anti-septic soap and so far, all has worked.

Personally, my favourite thing about this product is how fast it dries the brushes. I never really had an issue with washing my brushes (even though it took ages) but the worst part was waiting days for them to dry out completely so I could use them again. Having them dried within a few seconds is an absolute revelation! Another amazing thing about the product is that it has taken the make-up industry by storm, so any questions you may have are a Google away!
To further this review’s conclusion, here are five Pro’s and five Con’s that might help you make your mind up:

(1) Washes and dries brush within 30 seconds and as you can imagine, this saves a lot of time if you’re reusing your brushes a lot.
(2) Is super hygienic.
(3) Despite what the leaflets say and based on my own experience, all brush cleaners can be used!
(4) Is easy to use. I have to say that I really did not have any difficulties in navigating the product. The instructions are comprehendible and give step by step guidance.
(5) DOES WHAT IT SAYS ON THE TIN. It does not half clean brushes, leave any product behind or take longer than promised.

(1) This product is expensive. In my opinion, it should not cost as much as it does based on what is included in the package.
(2) Can be costly to maintain if you would prefer to use the cleanser recommended.
(3) Sometimes the brush frames don’t fit the brushes on the wand, which can be very irritating as you’ve to squeeze them into smaller frames and put a lot of strength into getting them back out.
(4) The process can be a bit messy if you’re spinning the wand too fast or if you’re bowl is too full.
(5) It seems to me that it might be something that, over time, people will forget they have. I would recommend being sure you actually need it before buying it. It may be a bit gimmicky in the respect that it’ll be on everyone’s vanity area, but not be used for the reasons intended.

All in all, I do recommend this product as an investment. I would advise that you are sure you need it before purchasing. It may seem attractive and a bit of need, but I can honestly say that when put into practice, it is only worth buying if you actually need to rotate and hygienically, quickly clean your brush set.
As promised, some links that include this product at cheaper prices than the one that I paid:

If you have had any experience with this product or would like to comment further, please do not be shy and get in touch! I would love to know how other people have gotten on. Also, I am sorry that this blog post was not uploaded to my official site. For whatever reason, there were issues and it would not let me edit and upload properly.
Nonetheless, I hope you enjoyed and if you know anyone that would benefit from this review- PLEASE TAG THEM OR SHARE THIS POST. Thank you so much for reading and I’ll catch you on the flip side.
Don’t forget to add & follow my other social platforms: Snapchat: jademccannx, Instagram: jaydamccannx & jademccannmua, Twitter: jaydamccann- See you there, little ducks!

My Cancer Diagnosis: From The Beginning To Now

If you didn’t already know about this, I’m sorry to shock you and I’m sorry if we are friends and I haven’t gotten around to telling you. I’ve been in a state of complete shock and ‘fight-or-flight’ for the last two weeks. But basically, as the title suggests, I have cancer. And no, you aren’t confusing me with my Dad because he has it, too. This blog post will clear up most of your questions, I hope. But of course, contact me on my Instagram page if you’ve any more and I will do my best to get around to them. Click here for my Instagram.

I suppose a large extent of the shock has worn off and I’ve begun to accept that some kind of twisted, unfair fate has landed me with a pretty hefty cancer sentence. But that doesn’t make the process any easier.

As you all know, Dad was diagnosed about four weeks ago with Stage 4 Prostate Cancer. His treatment has begun and his prognosis is good. He’s currently undergoing hormone replacement therapy, then he’ll go on to radiotherapy and chemotherapy (the order is unknown as of yet). But we’re looking at a long year for his recovery and with a bit of luck, his remission starting at about Christmas time, hopefully sooner. His spirits were relatively high, of course, until we found out about me.

Basically, and I’m going to be very basic and brief in all of this, I found a lump on the left wall of my vagina (which could be also felt in my groin area) at the end of December 2017. This was around the time that Melanie’s Blog Life (a beautiful Irish blogger that I follow) launched a campaign for all of her female followers to check their areas and encouraged people to get smears. I followed suit, gave myself a check and ran a similar campaign on my Snapchat. You might remember it.

Following the finding of the lump, which at this stage was about the size of a small marble and firm, I went to my GP who advised me that it was a Barthalion’s Cyst. Apparently very common in young women and that it would go away and I would be fine. I was prescribed antibiotics. After a week, nothing changed. In fact, the lump grew. So, I went straight out to Holles Street as an outpatient (Ireland’s National Maternity Hospital- also known for their gyno unit) for further investigation.

Long story short, following months of tests, many conversations with many nurses and doctors, and antibiotics that did not work, nobody could figure out what it was. Under the belief that it was probably the cyst that was mentioned before, I was operated on and a biopsy was taken. I was called back in to the hospital a week later and told that what they found was, in fact, sinister. I was then diagnosed with a very rare type of cancer called Sarcoma. Trust me to get the rare one.

Understanding Sarcomas are difficult because there are over 50 different types and all require different treatments. And what I’m about to tell you is nothing I’ve found online because I’ve really done my best not to google anything. I’m basing my knowledge on what my oncology team have told me- which is particular to my case.

I have been diagnosed with a type of Sarcoma named Leiomyosarcoma, which is really unlikely to happen to someone my age. It normally happens to women a lot older- in their 50s or 60s. Sarcomas generally develop in tissue, bone or blood. The type that I have develops on smooth, soft tissues. For example: the bowel area, the womb and the vaginal walls. I know this is a lot of information but bear with me.

For the most part, it looks like it’s been caught in time. The MRI shows that, although it is in a delicate area, it is still regional. This means that it basically, based on the tests we’ve done so far, they reckon it hasn’t spread. Which hopefully means that a major surgery will be planned, possibly some radiotherapy and probably no chemotherapy.  However, this is not a concrete plan. My treatment plan is yet to be decided, there will be more tests undergone and I will have to have more scans. This is just what we’ve been told is the likely route that will be taken. And although this sounds like a positive outcome on a terrible situation, there are extreme, permanent side-effects that will come with this treatment plan. I will more than likely be left infertile, for one, and there will probably be difficulties around me using the bathroom and a plan will be needed to put in place there. This is what was discussed at this morning’s oncology meeting which is why I am in shock all over again and finding it a bit hard to process things right now. To be honest, I’m actually extremely devastated. I was a lot more positive over the last week because, me focusing on the positive, I was coming around to the idea that I might get away scott-free following some treatment, but apparently not. I will talk more about this when I come out of shock and feel more comfortable with it. Obviously, the region that the cancer is in is a bit uncomfortable to talk about anyway but for the purpose of awareness, I don’t really give a fuck about my dignity anymore.

Sarcomas generally travel or jump to the lungs or chest if they have jumped or moved at all. So I had a CT scan this week and it was discussed at my meeting this morning with my oncologist. There are markings there that need to be further investigated. If it comes back that they are sinister, I will probably need chemotherapy. Again, not set in stone but something that has come up in conversation. As I said above, for the most part, they reckon that it hasn’t spread.

To say that I am terrified is an understatement. When I first got diagnosed, the shock was absolutely unbearable. At just 22 with the world at my feet, how could this happen to someone like me? I’ve never even broken a bone. I had no idea how to react. I was just absolutely heartbroken and terrified. Especially because for the first week, I had no idea whether or not it had spread or whether or not I would live.

At this stage my fear is not around life or death, but rather how the treatment will affect my life both when I’m going through it and after it. I wish I could just jump ahead of time to when I am on the road to recovery. At the moment, everything is up in the air, the treatment plan is still yet to be decided and I’m just praying and hoping it will be effective but with the least amount of pain.

If you haven’t already guessed, I am no longer moving to New York in June. Hopefully in a few months, maybe in a few years. But for the moment, I have moved home to my parents and am waiting to undergo treatment and get well. For the most part, I was feeling positive. I’m taking this as a sign from the universe (or something) that I need to slow down and focus on myself for a while, really get well and tune into my health. But as mentioned above, my meeting today has knocked be a bit off whack.

I know in a few days that I will come around, once again, from the shock and that I will be feeling positive all over again. I also just want to take this opportunity to thank each and every single soul that has been there for me over the last few weeks. THIS INCLUDES the followers that have written in and sent love, positivity and heartfelt messages. Of course, my family who’ve rarely left my side. People have been so kind and really just reached out in so many ways, too many to count. It really is true that at times like these you find out who your friends are, your true friends. People that I never thought would be close to me have stepped up and provided simple things like a bit of company, or support at meetings. And unfortunately, some friends that I’ve known my whole life are nowhere to be found.

I am trying my best to turn this whole experience in to that of a learning one. I have also gone back to a 100% plant based diet, which has been scientifically proven to fight and prevent cancers and other diseases. I’ve been sharing my meals on Instagram if you’re interested, actually. I also want to raise awareness around this. Because in all my research, I have found that there are actually other people my age that have been diagnosed with sarcomas. Although they are not generally linked with youth, it is becoming more common. I found a guy my age down in Cork that has written a blog post about HIS sarcoma diagnosis and although it’s a different story to mine, it’s equally as important for awareness purposes. CLICK HERE to read his story. (It’s not too long, he gets right to the point!)

So if you take anything more than the gossip away from this post, let it be this: just because you are young, does not mean that you are immune to things like this. Do you want to know what my main regret was the moment my consultant said cancer? The amount of time I spent working toward getting it. All of the alcoholic drinks, party drugs, sun-beds, cigarettes, the amount of time I spent WORRYING and STRESSING about things that don’t actually matter. The damage I let my body undergo, always assuming that ‘something like that wouldn’t happen to me’. I’m not saying that these things caused my disease, but I sure felt like a gobshite wasting time on them when I could have been traveling, exploring, laughing, eating good food and hugging people for longer.

And if I have to be an example to save someone else’s life, so be it. But please do not cross yourself off like I did. If you find something strange on your body, get it checked. Do not stop until you get a solid answer and diagnosis or the problem has been entirely resolved. If you are smoking, eating unhealthily or abusing your body in anyway, rethink why and maybe try work toward a more positive outlook on life. Or you can wait until your diagnosed with cancer (or something worse) like I did, and feel like a total nob-head all together.

And if you are a model of health, that doesn’t cross you off either. Of course, you should be incredibly grateful that you are healthy, fit and on the ball. But unfortunately these diseases don’t discriminate. One of the questions I had for my consultant was whether or not it could have been inherited, seeing as though Dad has had cancer twice and is currently fighting, too. The answer was no. Sarcomas are random. There is no reason and it is not fair. So just be really mindful of your body, get checked regularly and be persistent if you really feel that something could be the matter.

Also, people seem to think that once someone is diagnosed with cancer, they are  a complete write-off and sit like a skeleton in the bed. This is not true. I am fit and healthy and in no pain whatsoever. Which is the annoying part because I had no idea I was as ill as I am. All I can say about my physical state is that every now and again, I get a bang of fatigue that leaves me horizontal within minutes. This has been happening for a few months but I put it down to working mad hours and being stressed with college.

Oh, but on the bridge side, it looks like I might graduate on time! I’ll need a few extensions on projects and some things will have to be moved around, but for the most part, I should be graduating in September.

So, I tried to fit as much of an update in there as I could. Of course, my head is absolutely fried and I’ve just been sitting beside a salt lamp and dosing myself in Lavender Oil hoping that some God might appear to tell me it was all a lesson and I’ve been magically healed. I know that’s not going to happen, though, so I am living moment to moment, constantly praying for the best outcome. Spending as much time at home and with positive people as possible.

Tomorrow morning, I have a 6am start with The Happy Pear for training- which generally is yoga, flexibility or a sea swim. Although the cards are stacked against me, we all know how tough I can be. So even though I don’t feel like leaving my bed, I’m going to. Because this is not going to win. I might be left with some life changing effects but my mind will still be the exact same. I will still show up and do my best. I will still find humour and strength in even my darkest days. Because if I even consider letting this take over my mind, you can put your money on it that my body will follow. So although I don’t feel like swimming in the sea at six in the morning, I will because I know sea water is healing. And I know The Happy Pear crew are positive people that do not judge and want to help me. Although I would rather a McDonalds and an easter egg, I’m going to eat seaweed and spinach because it provides me with an opportunity to fight this. Although I would rather cry into a pillow and cuddle my dog until this all goes away, I have to show up at hospital appointments with courage and trust my oncology team enough to do their job and save my life.

I understand everybody has a lot of questions, as they’ve all been booming on my social media accounts and I totally appreciate that. I am doing my best to reply to them all and stay on top of emails etc. However, on bad days my phone is being turned off. And as much as I love blogging, my health comes first. Awareness campaigning, blogging, sharing, posting… there will be time enough for that when I am on the road to recovery and feeling much better.

Thank you so much, again, for all of your love and support. My Instagram is getting updated, for the most part, DAILY at the moment. So if you don’t follow me on there, my username is ‘jaydamccannx’. I reply to all messages and post Instastories too. And believe me, considering my current situation, they are mostly positive!

So to confirm: Yes, I do have cancer. Yes, they reckon it is treatable. Unfortunately, there will be an aftermath of the surgery that has to take place, we don’t know exactly what that is yet. Yes, my Dad also has cancer. Right now my life is on hold. But I am trying my best to keep positive and get on with daily things in order to keep myself sane.

Sending you all my love,

J xx





Why Mental Health Week Is Important FOR EVERYONE

Hello there ducks,

For those of you following me on Snapchat, you know I’m just back from a weekend break in Liverpool and I am feeling SO good in myself at the moment. It was definitely a well needed break. For anybody following me regularly, you’ll know that I don’t always feel so good.

The reason being that I suffer with my mental health and everyday is not a good day. And I’m not embarrassed to say that. I video blog daily on Snapchat and sometimes, all I can do is cry to whoever is on the other end and struggle stringing sentences together. Other times, we share laughs and talk about interesting topics and cool things I’ve found. I try to be as real as I can on Snapchat and the reason I do that is because I want to convey what suffering with mental health is really like. It isn’t always doom and gloom and it isn’t always rosey in the garden. I get a pretty-packaged surprise every morning when I open my eyes, a gift that lets me know what my day is going to be like. Sometimes I wake up with the world on my shoulders, a body caged with anxiety and worry, depression and fear. Other times, I’m free from that. But I cope as best I can and share my journey with anybody that would like to come along.

For those of you that are unaware, it is Mental Health Awareness Week this week. And that means a few things. It means that people are more willing to speak about things that I exhaust myself speaking about daily, 365 days of the year. Which is refreshing because as you can imagine, dedicating yourself to something can be consuming and for people to recognise that topic (even if it is just for a week of the year) is just nice. It also means that organisations and media outlets put more content out that relate to these topics. So for this week, we are bombarded with people sharing their stories, places you can get help and just general awareness around issues surrounding mental health in Ireland. For example, the Minister of Mental Health, Jim Daly, was on Ireland AM this morning speaking about the stigma surrounding mental health in Ireland- which was a brilliant segment and is definitely worth a watch on 3player if you get a chance.

I do believe that this week is an important week and I don’t want to downplay it but, me being me, I obviously do have a few issues with it. One of the issues being that it is built around mental illness a lot of the time and not mental health maintenance. So everybody wants to talk about the mainstream mental diagnostics (like depression, anxiety, bi-polar etc) which are obviously extremely important illnesses that do deserve coverage and awareness. But I feel that not many people want to talk about mental health maintenance- like how to prevent your mind from reaching such stages of desperation. See, I believe that mental health is just like physical health in a lot of ways. We need to mind it, we need to keep it fed with nutrients, vitamins and hydration. We need to keep an eye on it and try to stay as in tune as it as we can. And when it starts to decline slightly, we need to make sure we speak to someone about that and access the resources that we may need. Now, I understand that sometimes mental ailments are just chemical and there’s not a lot that we can do but spiral. I have been there so I totally get it. But it is important that we are taught how to mind ourselves, primarily, and then, secondly, how to deal with issues after that that may not be preventable. I also feel that there is not enough coverage on addiction during the course of this week, which as you all know I believe is a mental disorder/disease. Click here to read my last blog post which speaks about that.

Moving on, when I say mind ourselves, I mean the basic stuff that might seem really obvious to some people but is just a lot harder for others. Like eating correctly, sleeping for the right amount of time, balancing exercise and a healthy social life, being aware of healthy (debatable use of the word) alcohol intakes and working on having at least one person that we can confide in.

The issue that arrises with only raising awareness for mental illness rather than mental health maintenance is that when an awareness week like this comes around, a lot of people feel like it doesn’t apply to them. That it doesn’t really have an impact on their life. But WE ALL NEED TO MIND OURSELVES. We all need to make sure that we are giving our bodies and mind the correct basic human needs. And we all need to be looking out for each other, too.

So the point of this blog post is just for me to bring some awareness to you. Yes, you, reading this post. You might not have been diagnosed with a mental illness but you still have mental health and you still need to check in on yourself and make sure you are in tune with how you are doing. And from that, check on your friends and family. See if they need anything, ask them how they are. We all deserve to be content and happy in ourselves, with our lives and in everything we’re doing. We all deserve to have good mental health, the same way we all deserve to have good physical health. Understanding that somethings aren’t preventable, we should just try our best to deal with those problems when they arise. But before we jump to self-diagnosing with depression and anxiety, we should check that we are treating ourselves with respect and fuelling our bodies correctly.

So, mental health awareness week may have flaws but it is crucial that we recognise how important it is. Listen to the radio this week. Watch television and read the articles that you wouldn’t normally take pride in reading. We are being given, freely, information that is so needed in our society and that could have a huge impact on our own lives. Because unfortunately, you just never know what’s around the corner. And the information that is given to us this week could save our own life or the life of someone we love. Everybody has mental health, just like everybody has physical health and mental illness (as well as physical illness) does not discriminate.

That is all I wanted to say on the matter, to be honest. I’m gonna leave my links below so don’t be shy- come say hi!

Until next time,


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How I Manage My Mental Health (Requested Topic)


Hi there little readers,

I hope you are well and minding yourself. I’ve been struggling with basics but we can get back to that later.

This topic was supposed to be a podcast but unfortunately my schedule has just like tripled in capacity. The people that requested it have asked a few times and I realise that with topics like this sometimes there’s a sense of urgency. I’ve put off the podcast for almost three weeks now and I am so sorry for that but hopefully we can put all right with this blog post. I know that I won’t be able to fit the same amount of information into a blog post as I would a podcast BUT I’m gonna try. And of course, if you want to chat further or would like me to talk more about it- hit me up on Snapchat (jademccannx) and I can elaborate on my story or write to you personally. Whatever ya like.

Before I start, I just want to refer to a blog post that I put up a few months ago. It talks about what exactly mental health is. And it’s important to note that everybody has mental health, just like everybody has physical health. So, before you think this blog might not apply to you because you have good mental health- think again. Illness does not discriminate. So mind yourself. And click here to read more about that.

Managing my mental health isn’t exactly easy. I generally suffer with whacks of depression, stress, anxiety, paranoia and obsessive thinking.And they have not left me yet. I don’t feel one bit sorry for myself and I don’t argue the fact anymore. I’m actually so relieved to say that I have a certain level of acceptance around these things now. That, and I have picked up tools over the years and because of this it has gotten a lot better.

The first trick that I learned, and I always stress this, is that I stopped putting mood altering substances into my body. That includes weed/hash and codeine based painkillers, alcohol and all recreational drugs (not that I ever took all of them, but you get the point). And there’s a very good reason for that, just hear me out. Not only have I got an addictive personality and do these things get me in a bit of trouble, they also interfere with my emotional and spiritual growth.

Imagine a snow globe. Every time you get a certain length of clean/sober time, the snow globe is still. It begins to collect itself. You can think clearer. You are more connected with yourself. You have a little bit of raw emotion and that can be hard but at least you can feel. But when you use something mind altering, the snow glob is shaken. It gets disrupted. It doesn’t know where it’s going or how it feels. You’ve knocked yourself off whack. All parts of you become confused. And that’s the best way I can explain it. If you’re susceptible to mental health struggles and find it hard to tell how you feel anyway, why would you make it harder? You can probably relate to this if you go into a depression after a night out with huge anxiety and panic attacks. That used to happen to me a lot. I hated it. I used to think that I used drugs (alcohol being a drug) because of my mental health state. I never questioned whether or not the drugs were interfering. Until someone explained the snow globe analogy. And that’s why I’m sharing it with you.

By staying away from mind altering substances, it gives us the opportunity to connect with how we are really feeling. It allows us to feel how we really feel. Which can be really difficult if we don’t want to face it. But it’s like ripping a plaster off. If you feel it now, you won’t have to feel it again. If you deal with this stuff now and talk about it, let it out and come to terms with it. You can bury the hatchet. Don’t get me wrong, staying clean can be extremely testing. And unfortunately, not everybody can get clean in one try. But there are programmes and places that provide support if needed. And if and when we are supposed to stumble across them, we will. I do not regret getting clean at all. It has given me so much. Not only superficially- like the jobs of my dreams and a beautiful car and life- but emotionally and spiritually- I can connect with myself and faith. I know that I’m going to be okay and I am able to make decisions based on how I really feel- most of the time. That’s not to say that I’m perfect and can see everything clearly because I’m clean. But I’m one step closer. There are also other positives: like being more hireable because you’re not a liability, learning how to have fun sober, remembering nights out and other events, being the one that your friends can depend on and of course, being able to depend on yourself. Drop a comment if you’d like me to write a post about the pros and cons of being clean- that could be a could one!

Now, when it comes to mind-altering substances, there is the whole other topic there of anti-depressants. If you’d like me to put a blog post up about my experience with anti-depressants then let me know. For the most part, I have no objection. but I do believe that they should be suggested and prescribed by a doctor. And I don’t believe they entirely resolve the issue. I think they work as a good temporary tool but can cause problems long term- that’s based on my experience.

Unfortunately as clicheéd as it may sound, in my experience I’ve learned that the most important way to maintain your mental health is to maintain your physical health first. I’ve learned this through my experience of not eating, not sleeping, not communicating, not showering, isolating, not drinking enough water- and basically doing all of the things that basic human beings need to do in order to feel safe. This kind of behaviour has never helped my case. And I understand that when we’re in that mind set, it’s almost impossible to get ourselves to move. But we just have to. It’s literally like forcing yourself to do something that you don’t want to do. No matter how I feel, I get up, dress up and show up. Even if I have nowhere to go, I just go. I get in the car. I get on the bus. Somedays I do it crying. Somedays I do it with my heels dug into the ground. I have gone out some days with my face raw red from a night of not sleeping and crying but brought face wipes and just constantly wiped tears away as I sat in a cinema. I’ve taken breaks at family meals to go into the bathroom to cry. I’ve sat in the most happiest of environments with family and friends trying to cheer me up with the sole thought of ending it all. But staying locked away in isolation has always made me worse. And I do not want to be ill. I want to be well. I’ve spent too much time ill. It is not easy to do this. Leaving the house when everything in your entity is telling you to hide is probably the hardest task I face regularly. But I always feel better when I’ve done it. And I’ve started to see the rewards of doing it. When I get promotions in work or make new friends or meet a reader… I know that it’s important for me to keep trying.

I find showering before I go anywhere helps. Sometimes when I can’t convince myself that going out is a good idea, I convince myself to take one task at a time. So I’ll get out of bed. I’ll comfort myself with a dressing gown. I’ll make it to the kettle. I’ll pick some clothes out ‘just incase’. I’ll have a hot shower. I’ll moisturise and do my hair, sometimes my makeup. And by the time I’ve done some of these things, I want to go out. I’ll have come around a bit.

I learned this trick called ‘HALT’. And basically what ‘HALT’ is is that, anytime I feel down or confused, I stop and ask myself- am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? And usually, I’m one of those things. And in the process of rectifying that, I begin to feel better. I might eat and be given energy, or sleep and feel refreshed, I might phone a friend and talk it out or realise that my angry is as a result of any of three things listed. Basic care is so important. We are human beings. We are not machines. We don’t run on coffee (although, I’m giving that a right bash) and we can’t neglect our basic primal needs. And if you watch my snapchat, you’re so aware that I cannot preach this. If I’m being one-hundred-percent honest, almost everyone I know asks me regularly if I’ve eaten today. Mainly because I find it really hard to nutritionally fuel myself. And I don’t do it consciously- honestly, I don’t. But it’s like I just put it at the bottom of my priority list sometimes. And I don’t feel hungry or in pain or anything like that. I don’t do it to hurt myself. I just don’t love myself enough to eat sometimes. I put it off. I tell myself I’ll eat later. And sometimes I do and sometimes I don’t. Like, in the last two days, I’ve eaten twice. And that’s while I’m working 12 hour days. I survive on coffee. Literally. And I am so aware that is not good for me. And I’m so aware I’ve to be careful because when I get like this and run on nothing for a while, my mental health eventually crashes- because as mentioned before, I’m not feeling my brain or my body. Sure wouldn’t anyone lose their mind? But important to note at this point is that I am not striving for perfection. I want progress. So although I struggle with food, I have to look at the positives. Last night I got enough sleep. I got up this morning and made it to work on time- clean, dressed and in a good mood. I want to be kind today. I can’t wait to live today. I’m excited to be in work because I love my job. And if I eat, I eat and if I don’t, I’ll get around to it. But at least I have the awareness around it and the tools to notice these things. Before, I never would have figured that this may be linked with my mental health or influence it in any way. So if nothing else, I’m learning.


Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?

I suppose the next elephant in the room is that I work a lot- y’all are like… 12 hour shifts?!? And this can be unhealthy because it fits as an escapism. When I’m working, I don’t have to deal with my problems. I can easily ignore my home life, my friends  or my own emotions. But for me, working helps. I always get around to checking in with myself eventually- asking myself how I feel physically and mentally. But work helps me to meet new people, keep active, get out of bed, stay out of bed, engage with people on a professional level and all of these things give me a sense of achievement. It helps build my confidence in myself. I challenge myself daily. I set new goals weekly. And I aim to meet them. And if I don’t, that’s okay. But when I do… I swear sometimes I feel like I am on fire. There is no greater feeling than setting a goal and meeting it. And that’s how I feed my soul. But everybody has something different. My point on this paragraph is find something that interests you and chase your dreams. Because unfortunately outside things aren’t going to fix you– as convenient as that would be. If you are struggling with your mental health that’s something that has to be accepted. Everything external is a temporary fix. Soul rewards are ones that we get when we work on ourselves internally. And I really do believe, based on my experience, that hobbies and passions can enhance confidence and help us to reward ourselves. That’s not to say it’s not testing. Trying new things can be really scary, meeting new people and going to new places can be absolutely terrifying. But that sense of overcoming something, it just really helps to remind me that I can do anything I want to and I’m stronger than I think.

I hate saying this but I always feel better when I drink water and eat healthily. I hate saying it because for some reason I have something built into me that loves to self-destruct. And if I could live de-hydrated and survive nutritionally off chips and pizza, I so would. But the problem with that is when I fall into those patterns, my mental health suffers. So I have to be really aware of triggers that I have. Exercise really helps me, too. I feel confident after the gym. I can push myself at the gym. It’s great way to let off stress and burn all of that hot, pressured energy. At the start, I didn’t like going to the gym. I felt self-conscious and I didn’t feel like I could do it. I thought I wouldn’t achieve my goals. I thought I was doing everything wrong and that I would be judged. But I got a personal trainer to teach me. I did some research and I started making more of an effort to overcome my fears. And I feel so confident in the gym now. I even allow myself to wear sports bras and leggings- I’M THAT YONCÉ. I don’t have a perfect body but that’s just an example of how by working at something and chipping away, you do reap what you sew.

As well as all of the physical elements of self-care, there are mental/emotional ones, too. I had to learn to be aware of how I speak to myself, how I think about myself. So, I had rewire my brain in many ways. I realised that if someone else followed me around telling me the same things I don’t myself, I probably would have knocked them out a long time ago. I would never say these things to anybody else. I would never call someone else useless, or tell them that they’re stupid or less than anybody else. So I have to work on that all of the time. I have to be aware. I used to spend hours telling myself how terrible I was. But now, whenever I have a negative thought about myself, I try to counter-act it with a positive. It doesn’t always work. But, it’s helps me move on to the next thought.  I have to be kind to myself. I am not a bad person. I can just feel unwell sometimes. I wouldn’t beat myself up for hurting my leg. So, why should I beat myself up for struggling mentally? It’s the same thing. It’s about health and maintenance.

Obsessive thinking is a huge thing that I struggle with: becoming obsessed with people, places, things and thoughts. And the only thing that I have learned that makes this ANY easier is to just let the thoughts come and then let them go. I used to spend months telling myself not to think about things. I’d force myself to forget or distract myself. And let me tell ya, they just come back with a vengeance. Well, for me they did. So, now when a ‘bad’ thought comes, I just question it. I meditate on it.  Why has this thought come? What has triggered it? Is there a reason it’s so irritating for me? Why am I hurt by this? And I also call a friend sometimes just to take the power out of it. Sometimes when I hold things in, they take control of my mind. They consume me. But by just saying it out loud (no matter how many times I have to), eventually it lifts. And it passes. Everything passes. Everything always has and everything will continue to pass. Life goes on. This, too, shall pass.

I’m trying to think of all of the things that I have to force myself to do that may just come naturally to other people. And to be honest, I can’t really preach these things because let’s be real, I am not perfect. I find it hard to sleep. I sometimes go days without food. I sometimes eat a 2 day calorie intake in one sitting. I get angry and I become obsessed with things and I don’t always do what I should to help myself. But I’m still alive and I’m still trying. And I’m a hell of a lot better than I was. There have been times that I honestly did not want to live. And there have been times that I definitely did not want to try. But here I am. And I understand this blog post might not have helped and it was probably really vague but my basic point is just not to give up. Don’t let this win. It’s not real. I know for us it seems real and like the world is ending and it’s never going to pass. But clouds clear. And people do come out the other side. That’s not to say the clouds won’t return from time to time. But it does get a hell of a lot easier. It can be conquered.

As always, I am going to just pop a disclaimer here and state that I do not write about these topics for attention. I write about mental health in the hope that it might reach someone suffering and also, to slay a bit of stigma around it. Not enough people have the capacity to be completely honest about their struggles and I am so grateful that I’m capable in that sense. I don’t want to waste it and allow someone else suffer in silence.

If you would like to hear me talk about this some more, let me know in the comments below or on any of my social media platforms. I genuinely love hearing from you guys because I like to identify, too. And I love to think that this kind of material is reaching someone. So please don’t hesitate to get in touch. There is so much more that I would love to say but I’m strapped for time. I will be chatting about this over on my Snapchat this week to correlate with the post so if you want to hear some more, come on over and join the Snapfam!

Until next time,


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Craig Newman PT Experience: Half Term Results & Review

Good morning chicas!

This blog post has been requested so many times- even though I have been constantly updating you all about my PT experience over on Snapchat. I suppose sometimes it’s nicer to have somewhere a bit more permanent to upload and refer to, so I’m sitting down to answer your most asked questions about my personal training experience with Craig Newman in Ben Dunne Gym, Cherrywood, Co. Dublin.

I suppose I better start with how I came to a decision that I would like to go down that route and how, then, I availed of the services. A bit of it was luck, I must admit. Some of you might already know that I’ve been boxing on-and-off since I was eleven years old. I have been attending Ben Dune gym on-and-off for the last four years. Personally, I just find it really hard to seriously commit to not just fitness, but anything. And my most recent time rejoining Ben Dunne (June 2017), I made a promise to myself that I would make a real effort to turn fit into a lifestyle rather than a fad to spice up my Instagram or lose the Dominos that I have been so freely and frequently indulging in.

See, my mind is very good at talking me out of things that are good for me and talking me into self-destructive behaviors- so I kind of knew I needed a little bit of extra support if I was really going to make this work. My Dad has always been my coach but at the moment, he’s training for a competition in BJJ and is working shift so definitely wouldn’t have the time to help. Anyway, one day I was walking into the gym and I saw a clipboard on the desk asking people to leave their name and number to avail of a free consultation with a personal trainer.

Now, I always thought that personal trainers were over-rated but then again, I had never actually tried it. I always thought it was something that rich people or people that really struggled with their weight and fitness did and that I wasn’t bad enough or rich enough to avail of the service (and believe me, I know how ignorant that sounds now). I also thought that only people that wanted to participate in lifting competitions etc. would have a personal trainer. Basically, I had a whole load of misconceptions. But, for some reason I just put my name and number down on that list. I suppose it was down to the fact that I’m earning a bit more money now and I thought rather than blowing it on crap, I could invest in my body.

And real quick, I’m gonna tell you why that’s super important for me. My career goals include me being on camera and I am hella sick of asking people to delete photos and just generally being uncomfortable in my own skin. When I thought it through, it made a lot of sense that investing in my body could be considered investing in my career. I also realized that as your local blogger, it would be a cool experience for you to come on with me. I thought we could all learn something and a little part me also thought that I wouldn’t be contacted and none of this would matter. Then, about a week later, Craig text me and asked when I was free for my free consultation. We organized a meeting and it all began.

What happened at the consultation?

For some reason, I was actually pretty nervous. I kind of knew I’d be spending a bit of time with this person, had no idea who they were, knew they were gonna weigh and measure me, knew I was about to undergo and change in life and all of that just seemed pretty daunting. But when I arrived, Craig was waiting on reception and he was just so friendly. He brought me into a consultation room (which I liked because there was no way in hell he was gonna measure and weigh me in the middle of the gym) and it just started off with a general chat. He asked me questions like ‘What are your body goals?’, ‘How is your fitness now?’, ‘What would you like to achieve?’- and my answer was mainly that I wanted some support and consistency on my journey. That I wanted to tone up and get myself up to television standard and that I really didn’t want to talk myself out of it. Basically, that I needed an extra push. Then I was measured, my body fat percentage and lean body mass percentage were taken and my weight was also taken. Craig text me all of the results straight away so I had a reference point. I will be including these figures and my current figures at the end of this post! I asked about prices and schedule, meals and what would be expected of me. We spoke about dietary requirements and recommendations- he even gave me a dietary programme to follow and talked me through that, explaining it really well. I decided to book straight in and go ahead with it. The consultation took about twenty minutes in total.

Why choose Ben Dunne Gym?

I chose Ben Dunne Gym because it’s on my way to college and work and is super cheap with amazing classes and staff. The going rate is 20.95 a month and that includes all classes or you can pay 210 a year. I think it’s totally worth it as the equipment is great and the staff are so friendly. I actually couldn’t imagine myself going anywhere else at this point.

Who is Craig Newman and why did I chose him?

Essentially, I didn’t chose him to begin with. The way that list works is whatever PT is free or has free slots contacts potential clients for consultations. He contacted me. However, if I was uncomfortable or didn’t like his specialized areas I was more than welcome to request someone else.

Craig has a specialized background in weight loss, full body toning, strength training, muscle building, suspension training, sports specific training, group specific training and nutritional and diet advice. He essentially helps clients that are looking to get into the shape of your life or just loose those extra pounds. His spectrum is quite broad and if you visit his Facebook page by clicking here– you will find that his testimonials do NOT let him down. His career is based around helping people believe and achieve their fitness and weight loss goals and his program is designed with everyday advice for everyday people. He has been working in the fitness industry for 9 years now in both Ireland and the UK and is currently based  in Ben Dunne Gym, Cherrywood which is located in the Cherrywood Ind Est, Dublin 18.

Being 100% honest, I was really worried about training with a man. I was really, genuinely concerned that I would be distracted, self-conscious, embarrassed or just kind of in over my head. And I spoke to a floor manager about this a few days before my consultation and she just assured me that gender was not an issue, that it was about the area of expertise and the services that someone could provide rather than their gender. I don’t know why but I was expecting the experience to be so much more different with a male trainer. I was worried that I wouldn’t have a good connection with the person and that it would be awkward. But the floor manager spoke really highly of Craig and assured me that all freelance personal trainers are of a professional standard and specialize in ensuring their clients are comfortable. So, rather than base it on gender, I researched his specialized areas and testimonials and went from there. I decided that he was the way to go.

Probably the most requested question- how much does it cost and is it worth it?

Craig’s prices vary based on your goals and the amount of time and investment he would have to make. My goals were based around building some muscle and losing some fat, working up my fitness and just having some support available. I pay Craig 30euro an hour, we meet up twice a week and we have so far only committed to a six week trial run. So that’s a total of 360 euro. He asks that you pay the first half up front and the second half way through. So that is two installments of 180.

I understand that some of you reading are still in school and can not afford this or maybe you just think I’m crazy for paying it. But I found the installments really helpful. It gives me time to save up and have the money ready. Plus, I have never had results like this when training alone or with my Dad for that matter. The money is worth what you receive, in my opinion, because you’re paying for so much more than just two appointments a week. Craig provides his number and writes back to any queries immediately, there is constant advice on hand, he is always on time and has a really organized schedule for you to avail of. And the most important thing for me is that the results come. You’re paying for results. DISCLAIMER: Because the personal trainers are freelance, the PT fees and the gym fees are completely separate entities. However, if you were to simply ask the PTs for advice or to draw you up a program, to my knowledge you wouldn’t be charged.

What are the lifestyle/home requirements like?

Craig provided me with a pretty decent dietary guide with recipes and a program to follow- it based around a high protein and low carbohydrate intake. It does involve a fair bit of meal prep but I’ve kind of taken the diet and worked it around with my schedule. So I understand how much protein is in the diet, what things my body will need and when. And I tailor it to my busy life. Unfortunately, I can only prep food like once a week and this doesn’t last me all week so I’m kind of winging it sometimes. So far, it’s worked but it does bother me that I’m not getting the full experience I’m paying for due to the hours I work. It’s a commitment. The whole experience is. So, I would advise that you clear your schedule a bit before you consider taking it on. That would probably be my only downfall- still working mad hours and not getting enough sleep through all of this. Apart from that, all that is asked is that you take extra care of yourself at home and don’t over do it. I’m really honest with Craig about how many times I go to the gym, how many hours I work and sleep and because of that he’s able to help me around that. It is a lifestyle change and I have made changes like drinking more water, cutting down caffeine and just trying to work this program to the best of my ability.

I guess what I’m getting at here is although you’ve payed for a PT, they cannot do the work for you. Your life does have to change in a lot of ways and these can’t be half done. Your actual habits have to be deconstructed and rebuilt. The idea is that you have the right support and teachings while doing so. So, yeah, the lifestyle requirements are fairly hefty. But they’re included in your price. A lot of the work is done at home but I suppose before beginning your journey you have to decide whether or not you are willing to give your all.

How often do you meet?

We decided mutually that two sessions a week would fit both of our schedules. I do train on other days and Craig provided me with a workout schedule for the sessions that he can’t be present for.

Another really requested bit of info, what have the results been?

Right so I only got measured and re-weighed yesterday as a celebration of reaching half term- we are three weeks into our six week course and basically, it’s working. I’m gonna just pop in bullet points below with some of the results that came up.

  • On the first week, my body fat percentage was 22.62%. It is now 19.95%.
  • On the first week, my lean body mass was 44.3kg. It is now 46.7kg.
  • On the first week, my bod fat weight was 13.0kg. It is now 11.7kg.
  • And on the first week, my full body weight was 57.2kg. It is now 58.4kg.

So I have been gaining muscle and losing fat- which is exactly what I wanted to do. So, the results are in and the proof is in the pudding. Also, some of you may be concerned that my body weight has gone up. Muscle is heavier than fat. So that explains that.

All in all, this experience so far has been brilliant. For me personally, I’ve enjoyed it that bit more. I know this sounds mad but being young and sober can be really tough sometimes and I’ve realized that one of the only places I feel like I fit in is the gym. It’s where people go because they want to better themselves and push themselves and I just really love that atmosphere.

Obviously, the results are proof that this isn’t all for nothing. It is costly and it does take some commitment but personally, because I’m a career-driven person and this is all based around a long-term goal, I feel like it’s very worth it.

Not only am I having fun and seeing results, I’m also learning a lot about nutrition and fitness. Craig answers anything at all you ask with really well structured answers and sends on any information you ask for. Also, there are loads of exercises that I felt I knew how to do that I could have seriously harmed myself doing my way. So I’ve been taught a lot with regard to stature and stance, weight ability, fitness levels and general safety and boundaries when pushing myself. Craig is also just such a great lad and such good craic. We always have a laugh during our sessions but are definitely capable of having a serious conversation when we have to. He is supportive, professional and worth at least a consultation. I say that because I understand that it varies from person to person. Some people might not feel as comfortable with him as I do and some people will. It is a personal experience and it should definitely be tailored to your preferences. On that note, I will just say that if there are any issues with any PT you choose, do not spend money on someone that either you don’t have faith in or you believe don’t have faith in you. There are a other PTs at Ben Dunne that I have brilliant things about so if you’re having doubts or Craig’s booked up- it’s so worth doing some further research.

I know that Craig thinks I can achieve my set goals and I know he wants to help me get there. That has made this experience all the more magical and I am so grateful that it isn’t over yet. Knowing that I’m constantly learning and seeing results drives me more. I understand the benefits of the gym now, mentally and physically, and I don’t drag myself there because I hate my body. Today, I get excited about going because I love my body. And I want to benefit from nutritional advice and fitness expertise.

I would not only recommend Craig Newman as a PT, I would also recommend Ben Dunne Gym in Cherrywood as a whole. As I said, the classes are brilliant, the facilities are great, the staff are young, vibrant, super-friendly and willing to help wherever possible. I understand that these opinions may vary by the end of my six week trial but I will keep everybody updated (as I have been) over on my Snapchat and come back with a second, conclusive blog post on week six.

If you have anymore questions, ya can find me at the links below. Please do get in touch, I absolutely love having a laugh and chat with you and hearing about your experiences reading my posts! Also, it is my BIRTHDAY TOMORROW and that is definitely a reason to come and say hi! Also, don’t forget to like and share this post and tag a friend that would benefit from reading! Thank you so much for dropping by & if by chance you do head to Ben Dunne Gym or request a consultation with Craig or any other PT in Cherrywood- don’t forget to tell them I sent ya! Craig’s pages and the link to Ben Dunne Gym’s Facebook are down below, also.

Until next time,



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